You probably haven’t been asked that before! Count me as dramatic but in all honesty, I believe, we as wives have a lot more power than we realize in our homes, especially with our words.
Death and life are in the power of the tongue: proverbs 18:21 KJV
Today I want to leave you with a few questions and a bible story to ponder on…
As I was listening to the story of Haman the other day it really hit me how the ungodly advice of his own wife resulted in his death. I then asked myself, how many times have my words brought death to my husband? Not literal death but nevertheless death if some sort. Let’s rehearse the story of Haman first before I expound.
“Then said Zeresh his wife and all his friends unto him, Let a gallows be made of fifty cubits high, and to morrow speak thou unto the king that Mordecai may be hanged thereon: then go thou in merrily with the king unto the banquet. And the thing pleased Haman; and he caused the gallows to be made.”
Easter 5:14 KJV
Two chapters later…
“So they hanged Haman on the gallows that he had prepared for Mordecai. Then was the king’s wrath pacified”.
Easter 7:10 KJV
I would imagine that Haman’s wife was probably a great cook, she may have even done her wifely duties to a T. Who knows, the town may have looked on her as a great wife to Haman. The fact that her husband so readily took her evil advice makes me think she may have had her outward duties down pat. It wasn’t her neglect that killed her husband it was her tongue. The advice she gave her man, litterly killed him.
I do realize that a Godly man would have never listened to such evil advice as Haman’s wife gave, but still yet, there is a lesson to be learned here. This story shows us just how dangerous our unwise words can be to our home and husbands.
What exactly have you been saying to you husband?
• Have you been killing your husbands spirit with words of discouragement or are your words uplifting and encouraging?
• Have you been killing your husbands choices with words of scorn and criticism or have your words (and even actions) been supportive to him?
• Have you been killing your husband with words of doubt or do your words show him trust and relay peace?
These are just a few questions to ask yourself. I’m sure you get the idea here…
“Talk no more so exceeding proudly; let [not] arrogancy come out of your mouth: for the LORD [is] a God of knowledge, and by him actions are weighed.”
There are so many types of words and tones that we use everyday. Let’s make sure our words pass the standards of God’s word before we speak them!
For as much as negative words can cut down, positive words can build strengthen . I want to build up my home, my family, and my husband with my words. God forbid we ever tare down the most precious people in our lives with thoughtless words.
And most of all, I want to obey the commandment of God and keep my tongue from evil!
Keep thy tongue from evil, and thy lips from speaking guile.
Psalm 34:13 KJV
Happy Homemaking!
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If you have been married any time at all, you probably have faced the battle of how to deal with unfulfilled expectations within your home.
With Valentine’s Day just behind us, I thought it would be a great time to confront this topic of unfulfilled expectations, the damage they can cause, and how to avoid them.
The truth is, the money market has made a feast of holidays and special occasions. These special holidays can come with a lot of pressure and a large price . I’m not bashing holidays nor traditions, but we really shouldn’t let the pressure of those around us determine what we must do for our families, even when it comes down to holidays and traditions. I mean really, just because you didn’t have this years, new outfit for the elf on the shelf’s best friend… doesn’t mean your Christmas was in vain! In fact, I prefer the shepherd anyway lol . But that’s a fact for another day. 😜
How to deal with unfulfilled expectations
Who and where are some of these unfulfilled expectations coming from of which are pressuring our families and homes?
A few areas that unfulfilled expectations come from are…
social media & the web
friends & family
ourselves & our past
How to deal with unfulfilled expectations from social media & the web
Many of our “unrealistic ideas” come from social media or the web. This is really kind of sad. Why, you may ask? Because, the fact is, we are overwhelming ourselves, our families, and our homes with expectations birthed from people we don’t even know! We think they have it all together and really, we just see the highlights of many peoples lives. We then expect our life to look like this “perfect fairytale” made up of little clips of some strangers “few” special moments. Why is it that our homes must have the latest style for us to feel a sense of joy, our kids the best Pinterest birthday party to be happy… (or is it for us to be happy?) and our poor husbands must practically preform a ridiculous check list of social media inspired honey do’s before they meet the qualifications of a “good” husband? Whatever happened to God’s qualifications of a peaceful home and Godly spouse? My suggestion? Drop the fairy tale idea, acknowledge you are human, (as is whoever you have been following after online).Then consider limiting your time from such powerful/negative influences and replacing them with something positive and actually productive such as the standards of a spouse found in Ephesians 5:22-33 or the foundations of homemaking in Proverbs 31.
How to deal with unfulfilled expectations from friends & family
How to deal with unfulfilled expectations caused by friends and family can be quite tricky. Sometimes friends and family don’t even realize the pressure they are putting on you while other times they may feel like their expectations are justified by your well being and their love for you. We must realize that we have our own family and own decisions to make according to God’s direction. We cannot base the expectations of what our home should be or how it should operate by what our friends or family expect. With that said, we must be cautious and loving when we go against the grind of friends and family. You can do what’s right the wrong way or you can do what’s right the right way! If your gonna do it right, why not do it all the way right? Always remeber that a “friend loveth at all times” … Proverbs 17:17 (even when we disagree) and a proverbs 15:1 “A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.” that’s still true even with friends & family.
How to deal with unfulfilled expectations from ourselves
The last area I want to discuss is how to deal with unfulfilled expectations that we have placed on ourselves . These expectations may have originated from the previous points above (things we have seen on the web or by ideas family & friends may have birthed) . Or they may have been made by our raising, how our childhood was orchestrated, or how we always imagined the perfect home to be. As ladies, we are often our highest critic. More times than not, we find ourselves criticizing everything about ourselves to no avail and with no mercy. “My house is never clean, my kids won’t listen, my clothes don’t fit, I just can’t, can’t, can’t, CAN’T!!” Anybody relate, or do I stand here alone? The truth is, we are human and we must rely on God to help us be the wife, mom, and homemaker that we should be. We cannot dwell on such negative thinking of ourselves and we cannot set expectations that are unreasonable.
…whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
Philippians 4:8
In closing
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The greatest advice I received in 2022 would have to be from a dear pastor’s wife in Kilgore, TX. Two words she told me have stuck all year and I hope for the rest of my life, for I have found that these two words can be life changing when applied!
So what are these two words? The greatest advice I received in “2022?
They are to… BE INTENTIONAL!
I have tried to apply this advise this past year and continue to do so with great benefits!
I have found, in my own life, that when I am not intentional with the things that matter the most, they will often go overlooked, unappreciated, and sometimes, sadly forgotten.
God has given us so many things to find joy in within our everyday lives, yet the joy is often lost amidst our busy, 21st century pace. It may seem impossible to stop this fast train of time, but I do believe, being intentional can bring back some of the joy we are continually missing out on. Keep reading for the three main areas I have incorporated the greatest advice I received in 2022 into my life!
Three areas I have benefited by applying the greatest advice I received in 2022
1. Being intentional with my children
2. Being intentional in my marriage
3. Being intentional with my extended family
Being intentional with our children
First, let’s add “the greatest advice I received” to the lives of our children.
I’d say most of us, as moms, spend a lot of time with our children. We feed them, school them, dress them, correct them, and the list goes on. I often find myself so caught up in the obvious “needs” of my child that I forget the “hidden needs”.
I must intentionally remember that my children are not just “kids” that I am trying to keep alive until they can fend for themselves. But instead, they are tiny humans, growing into adults, created by God and in the image of God, whom I have been given the great responsibility to teach and train according the Word Of God. If that’s the case, which it is, then raising my children consist of a lot more than physical daily cares! I must show them the love of God by spending time with them, set the example of Godly character in my daily actions , talk to them, listen to them, answer their questions, be in communion with them, learn them, know their character, guide them, teach them the Bible, create a Godly atmosphere in our home, nourish them, protect them, and win their heart. I want to make sure I am doing my part and if it takes some intentionality to do it, then I want to be intentional!
Proverbs 23:26 My son, give me thine heart, And let thine eyes observe my ways.
Applying the greatest advice I received in 2022 to my marriage
The second area I want to talk about being intentional in is in our marriage. I wanted to write about this one first because I personally believe the order of a wife’s responsibility is first to God, her husband, her children, her home, then other added responsibilities. Some may disagree with this order but that’s ok 😜. It’s where I stand. God specifically made Eve as Adam’s helpmeet before she was anything else. Later, the kids came along. And although we seem to all know NOT to neglect the daily needs of our child, it’s a shame that we sometimes forget the needs of our husband once the children are tended too, and this is exactly why I decided to talk about marriage AFTER we discussed the children.
If you find yourself pushing your husband or marriage to the back burner I challenge you to be intentional this year and take back your marriage! We all know about the “honeymoon stage” but sometimes we take for granted that after the honeymoon stage, kids, and a few years, our marriages grow stale. It does not have to be this way! Marriage should be a continuous growing relationship. But the fact is, if you stop working on anything, you will stop seeing results.
I have seen so many people who seem to stop construction on their marriage, they put it on “pause” while the kids are raised and public jobs are thriving. They have plans to return to the “marriage project” once things settle down in life. Sadly, that’s not how it works, when they get back their marriage, years later, they hardly know the person they once married. The crumbling marriage is barely holding together and it will take a miracle to repair. Sadly, some don’t feel it’s worth it and instead of allowing God to help them rebuild their marriage they take the bulldozer to it leaving confused Children and family and hurting themselves. What happened? They simply stopped working.
The last area I want to be intentional in is with our family outside of the home (also known as extended family.)
Being intentional with our extended family
It’s so easy, (especially if you live far away like me) to get caught up with “your 4 and no more”. I have found that I must be very intentional in my relationships outside of our home. Sometimes, it’s easy to think my family is busy doing their own thing or that they will call when they can etc. But you must realize that they may be thinking the same thing! If you are not regularly talking to your family members, then it’s time to change the game plan and become intentional! Start out small and realize that your relationship may look different than someone else’s. Some people talk to their parent, grandparent, grown sibling, or best friend, every single day. Others just can’t, and that’s ok. Figure out what works for both of you and do it but realize it may take some sacrifice and it may take some intentionality. Intentionally making our relationships stronger is always worth it.
Ways I have found to be intentional and apply the greatest advice I received in 2022
With my kids
Listening to the dramatized Gideon bible app together.
Reading books
Playing together
Talking to them about their day
Looking for opportunities to discuss eternity and spiritual matters
In my marriage
The good morning kiss!
Kiss good morning, every morning. (This is easy to forget when your husband is full time at home. We made a point to be intentional with this last year. We didn’t want to lose this simple habit that gives us a connecting point first thing in the morning.)
Cuddling before bedtime
Never underestimate the closeness of closeness.
Complimenting each other
Yes, they know what you think about them but just like you, they like to be reminded.
Talk!
Make sure you still communicate! Lack of communication can lead to misunderstanding, hurtfulness, confusion, and distance between two people. Talk about anything and everything to your spouse The habit of communication goes a long way.
Laugh together
Don’t get so stuck in the day to day grind to the point that you forget to smile and laugh together. There’s always something to laugh about in life if you look for it.
With my extended family
(For family living close bye)
Have them over for dinner just because
Plan a family get together or family picnic one weekend
Don’t forget to visit occasionally! (The first year my husband and I were married, we hardly stepped foot in his parent’s house. They eventually called us wanting to know why we never came to see them, we had a simple enough answer; “because you never invited us. We thought you all were busy.” Boy, did we hear it then lol… come to find out they thought we’d come over when we wanted, therefore, they thought we didn’t wanna come over and we thought they were too busy for us. Yikes! Point? Don’t do above lol .)
When life gets busy, pick up the phone. A phone call can be nice even when you live down the road.
(For Family Far Away)
Call!
Make habit of regular phone calls or face time where you can actually hear each others voices and possibly see each others faces. This is the most personable way to communicate long distance, so don’t miss out on it.
Text (In between calls, use texting and such to keep up. Just make sure this does not take place of phone calls. Setting up group family text can be fun too. This is also a great way to update family on life changes that are not necessary emergencies. A quick update can really be appreciated by all the long distance family. Don’t assume that they don’t want to be bothered by these things just because they can’t be there. They do, they want to feel a part even when you are far away.)
Share photos often (Every time I talked to my Mamaw, she told me how much she loved seeing the new photos of my kids every few days. She said it was so much better then when I was a child living 10 hrs away, she felt like she was literally watching my kids grow up with the technology of phone photography.)
Don’t forget holidays and special occasions (Set reminders on your phone, mark your calendar, mail birthday cards, send text, mail gifts, whatever you got to do but don’t forget your family’s special days! Birthdays, anniversaries, even Happy 4th of July! If you’re not there, they miss you and it helps so much to know you are thinking about them. It’s so easy to forget these special days when you’re not living near your family, but remembering them on these days is worth it!)
Lastly, Don’t let your kids forget!
Forget what? Forget your family! It may sounds silly but it’s really important, especially for small children. They need constant reminders and conversations about your family when living far away. This will build a knowledge in their young minds for who their family members are and prepare them to connect when you see them. They will connect quicker, feel a special bond when you have taken time to nourish this long distance relationship. And to top it off, it will make your relatives feel like a million bucks when little Susie knows who they are!
I was raised across the country from my grandparents. Likewise, my children are experiencing a similar situation. I have always been close to my grandparents and my kids are the same way. My two year old knew exactly who his grandparents were even after being gone for 4 months. Without realizing it, I had parents who were intentional in this area and I am trying my best to do the same. Being intentional works!
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Please realize this post has been written from my experience. I believe the world has put a hopeless and negative perspective on Mother-in-law relationships of which we to often except without opposition . I have talked to many of my friends who have faces similar Mother-in-law relationship problems. Some have slowly figured them out by applying similar concepts as I’m about to address, while others have either give up or have no desire to even try. I personally believe we, as children of God, are challenged to at least try to get along with our Mother-in-law. If not for anything, we should try for the peace of our own homes. No grand baby should be in the middle of a mom and grandma hate club, and no husband should be pulled between the devotion of his mom and wife. Let us rise up today …
Proverbs 31
12.She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
26. She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongueisthe law of kindness.
28.Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husbandalso, and he praiseth her.
29.Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.
30.Favourisdeceitful, and beautyisvain:buta womanthatfeareth the LORD, she shall be praised.
31.Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.
Let us apply
Can your character within your Mother-in-law relationship be spoken of as above?
Why are our Mother-in-laws, or even other family members the “exception” to the Godly principles we have been taught all of our life? I have yet to find the exception allowed within God’s word.
If we could stop and apply some Godly principles to our Mother-in-law relationships we may find that we indeed CAN get along with our Mother-in-law.
Follow peace with all men without which no man shall see God…
Disclaimer: I realize every situation is different and has it’s own obstacles. If you have done your part to get along with your Mother-in-law, and your mother/ daughter-in-law relationship is still rough, don’t feel discouraged. Keep up the good work and continue to trust God:
Lessons I’ve learned on how to get along with my Mother-in-law
My mother-in-law has taught me a LOT!If there is one thing I could tell a young newly-wed wife it would be , “try to learn to get along with your mother in law”.
Notice I said “learn”, it’s not always easy and sometimes it is indeed a learning process. You may have to learn a few things about each other but if you willing to learn and forgive you are already a step in the right direction!
I can honestly say, after almost 10 years of being married into the family, and many struggles, my Mother-in-law (AkA ‘Mama’) is very dear to my heart. Like anybody we have had our ups and downs, and no SHE has not always been the “down” side, more times then not I was!
If I could have learned and accepted a few of the principles I’m about to share from the beginning, I believe things could have been a tad bit smoother for both of us starting out.
I do not wish to change the past, I just want to work on the future. And to encourage others who may face similar obstacles while trying to get along with their Mother-in-law.
-Things I wish I had known-
Never fear that your mother-in-law will “replace your mom”. She cant, she won’t, and most likely she doesn’t even want to. With that being said, in many cases, she can still be like a 2nd mom to you if you let her.
Don’t expect your mother-in-law to act just like your mother or to have the same suggestion’s, advice, reactions and characteristics. Unfulfilled expectations have killed many relationships of all types .
Just because your mother in law is different then your mom, doesn’t mean she’s always wrong. Respect her and consider what she has to say no matter if you agree or not. You might even learn something now and again! I know I have!
Remember your mother-in-law probably loves you as much as her own child (mine sure does!). Love is a choice and if you will choice to love her back, with God’s help, you can both learn to deal with your differences much easier. (Love covers a multitude of sins … ) with love, getting along with your Mother-in-law becomes a lot easier.
Learn to except and respect your differences instead of despising or criticizing them. When you met & married your husband you excepted many of his different ways without batting a eye, I’m sure you can put up with a few from your mother-in-law too if you would but try .
Lastly, don’t take your mother-in-law for granted. Recognize how much she loves you. Show her respect (she did mother your husband after all). Show gratefulness when she helps you out. And most of all give grace when needed, for none of us are perfect, not her and not even you. If you can apply these three things daily.. love, respect, and gratitude I believe you can see a difference in the process of getting along with your Mother-in-law.
Let us reconsider
If your relationship with your Mother- in-law seems strained, know that God put her in your life for a reason – try to reconsider your differences recognize the blessings. Ask yourself occasionally how you can be a blessing to her.. you never know, she might be facing some mind battles about you too, such as “I want her to know I love her. I’m just trying to except her. Does she love me? She does not respect my advise.
No, I don’t have all of the answers to troubled mother-in-law relationships that the world has seemed to put acceptance on. But I do know it does not have to be that way in every single case. In particularly when both parties are children of God, (especially then). Often times we can do so much more to strengthen a relationship if we would take time to notice our own flaws and stop pointing out the downfalls of others.Stop saying “I can’t get along with my Mother-in-law” and do something about it. The best place to begin is within the walls of our own hearts.
Find something in common and begin building
Me and my Mother-in-law are as different as night and day, we even have topics I have learned to avoid lol but even with that, we have still been able to find some things in common over the past 9 yrs.
It’s with those things, our family, and most of all our God that we continue to build our relationship on, for without Him we can do nothing. I challenge you to do the same.
Acknowledgments
I have published this post with approval from my Mother-in-law. I do want to take a moment and thank her for who she is and for her love and support.
Dear Mama,
Thank you raising an amazing son, loving me like your own, and for the wonderful Nana you are to mine & Mark’s children. You are the best mother-in-law God could have given me. Most of all, thank you for your commitment to Christ. Being His faithful child is what makes you who you are. Don’t ever stop living the example!
Your daughter (in-law), Erica
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Today, I want to focus on date ideas for after the kids go to bed. There are really 3 types of dates for spouses with little ones.
Dates that include kids (AKA family dates)
Normal dates when you bring in a sitter and go out
After bedtime dates
Why am Ifocusing alone on dates after the kids go to bed?
Well, mostly because I feel like this category takes the most imagination. When we first began doing ‘dates after the kids go to bed’, it seemed a little hard… like what fun can we have in our own home when we have to be super quiet and can’t even eat a nice dinner? out?
After traveling full time and a few months with no ‘alone’ dates, we found out real quick just how much fun at home dates can be!
Don’t get me wrong, I love “family dates” and we do plenty of them. In our home, we call those ‘family days’ and we try to plan them regularly. I believe family days are very important but I also believe that light hearted alone time with your spouse is important too, which leaves the other two date categories.
If you can’t afford a regular sitter or maybe you’re in a place like us, where it is just not doable, either way, incorporating “after bedtime” dates may be your solution!
Here are over 20 DATE IDEAS for after the kids go to bed
Now that your interest is ‘hopefully’ peaked, let’s get on to the actual date ideas.
Board /card games We love phase 10 & monopoly deal (linked below)
Listen to an audio book If you are a avid audio book listener, you have to check out SCRIBD. it’s an amazing book app subscription that does NOT limit the amount of books you can read or listen to according to payments. That’s right! It’s literally unlimited reading & listening for 9.99 a month! Check out my Scribd link below!
Put together a puzzle Order a special photo puzzle from Shutterfly (link below) to celebrate an occasion or dig out a old faithful for free. * Sometimes dollar tree carries small adult puzzles for only $1.25
Download game pigeon on your Apple smart phone. This can be a fun way to play games through “text”. You can easily continue the fun competition on lunch breaks etc. This is a fun way to stay connected. (Link below)
Learn how to do something new through YouTube For even more fun, go ahead and begin the project.
Listen to a podcast Download a free podcast app or use one already on your phone. Use the search bar to find a podcast category you both would enjoy.
Listen to your favorite comedian Mine, Carl Hurley, is linked below!
Read a book together, out loud (the old fashion way) Link below to a post on some of my favorite reads.
Look at old photos Physically or even digitally (looking back just a year at phone photos can bring on a lot of reminiscing).
Read old love letters or go through a memory bin together.
Love comics? Save the Sunday comics up and read them all at once, together.
Break a Guinness would record together You can find the latest book on Amazon (linked below) or you can find many of last years on Scribid!
Put away the phones, dig out the blankets, make some hot cocoa , and have a certified cuddle & talk timeon the couch. Sometimes it’s nice to just unplug and give each other your full attention.
Make a meal together Me and my husband have yet to try this but I’ve read of many fun ideas including cooking together. Ideas include turning dinner into a competition or cooking with only the ingredients your spouse has chosen for you. You could also plan & cook a fancy candlelight dinner together. Need something easier? Homemade Pizza or milkshakes would be fun and easy with a little grocery store prep.
Don’t want to cook? Uber in your favorite take out! Budgeting “date night” regularly into your life will help pay for little splurges this. Door dash & Uber are practically everywhere now days. I don’t recommend using their services as a regular convenience (when not needed) but I do think it is a great option for a date night after the kids go to bed.
Sneak onto the front porch and enjoy a summer night Baby monitors are great for this, allowing you to enjoy the night without peeking in every few minutes.
Star gaze While you’re on the porch, download a star gazing app and have fun finding the different galaxies.
Exchange stories prepare a few questions to start the story session. “ What was your most embarrassing moment as a child” or tell me again about the time you got your drivers license (Some stories are worth listening to more than once).
Look up some good clean jokes before your date and come prepared to exchange laughter or you could look them up together and exchange as you find them.
Do you or your spouse struggle with holiday shopping? Anniversary, Christmas, or Valentines Day? Have a date where you shop for each other (online). You will both get what you love and have some fun doing it.
Nancy Drew anyone? Okay, so I know it’s more of a teen thing but me and my husband love Nancy Drew mysteries. 😂. If you do not use the cheat sheets, Nancy Drew computer games can be a true challenge for even adults. Order one with my link below to try out your sleuthing skills on your next date night! Who wouldn’t love a mysterious mystery at the dark kitchen table while munching on chocolate chip cookies…
Design your dream home There are so many designer apps and programs available , find a simple one and design your dream home for fun! If that feels too complicated, you can always use pen and paper!
Plan a vacation Is there a special vacation you have dreamed of going on? Even if it’s a couple years away, have fun planning it out and don’t forget to plan “how you will save for it”. The first step to getting there, is to plan!
Plan for a special occasion Vacation may not be a option right now, that’s okay! Plan a special day for your anniversary or the next holiday.
Go on a virtual tour together Have you ever seen a virtual tour? They are amazing! And so many people are offering them for free now! I am super excited about our “White house” date I am currently planning ❤️
Go on a car ride This will only work if your children are little and still fall asleep in the car. If you want to see how me and my husband went on a “car date” after the kids were “in bed” then check out my YouTube video below! This is a fun way to “get out”. Keep in mind, it will need to be planned with some flexibility in case the children don’t fall asleep as planned. If you love car rides this may be just your thing!
I hope this post has inspired you to strive to date your husband MORE, even in the challenging times of babies, toddlers, & little ones.
I believe staying connected with your husband, in all areas is very important in this stage of life. Don’t give up on dating when it becomes challenging. Remember, this is just a season of life and when it is past, you will be glad you didn’t leave any part of your marriage behind, including dating.
It’s so easy to turn in at the end of an exhausting day, with our marriage left on the back burner.
While I realize dating is not the foundation of a marriage, at the same time, it is often in this devoted time together that we find smiles, reconnection, stress relief, enjoyment and open doors to needed conversations.
Why is it, before we marry, we spend countless hours together with no particular reason, then once we marry, we think those hours matter no more?
When in fact, those hours do matter. They show each other that you still care, that you still want to be in each other’s presence, and that you still want to get to know each other more. That’s right, you never can know a person too much.
What if we have neverdated?
I find that many married couples that do not “date” often, date without realizing it . What do I mean? For example, my parents don’t go on to many official “dates”. Yet, many times when I was growing up, they would jump at the chance to run to the department store, or grab a breakfast alone before us older kids even awoke. Why was this? They had set in the practice of cherishing those little bits of time together when they could talk, and just be together. They had made “dating” a part of their life and marriage.
It’s very possible you date regularly without the title. If you don’t, then hopefully, this post has encouraged you to start now!
In closing
I am by no means claim to know it all or be a professional in this area. The advice and tips I have given are taken from advice I have received multiple times from my elders, observation of other marriages such as my parents, and the lessons I have learned in the 8 years of marriage. Take my tips for what there worth and hopefully you can get at least a something worth while from them.
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The 12 Days of Christmas tradition is the perfect opportunity to do something sweet for your husband! It’s so customizable and sure to be loved by the man in your life. Keep reading to see how we do our yearly traditional 12 days of Christmas in our home . Hopefully, this post will inspire you and spark your creativity to create your own 12 days of Christmas for your soul mate.
A Peek Into The Past
Before we discuss “how I do the 12 days of Christmas” for my wonderful hubby, let’s take a peek into the origin of the 12 days of Christmas song.
Personally, I love researching traditions to unveil the original source of why we do them. You may be surprised by what you learn and can therefore, pass (or NOT pass) on to your children.
I found this article written by goodhousekeeping.com (original link below) on the origin of the 12 days of Christmas. I found many similar accounts from other sources confirming the stated facts.
“The twelve days over which the song takes place is a reference to Christianity. “The 12 Days of Christmas” historically does not reference the days leading up to Christmas, but rather the 12 days following it, also known as Twelvetide. The period begins with birth of Christ on December 25th, Christmas Day, and ends with the coming of the three wise men on January 6th, also known as the Epiphany or Three Kings Day. The weeks before Christmas are known as Advent, ending on December 24 — hence, advent calendars.”
A Few Fun Facts
Though some scholars believe that the song is French in origin, the first printed appearance of the song was in the English children’s book Mirth With-out Mischief. If you haven’t heard of it, that’s probably because it was published in 1780. You could ask the person who shelled out $23,750 at a Sotheby’s auction for a first edition to borrow their copy, but even so, you may not recognize the lyrics.
In the original lyrics, the “four calling birds” were actually “four colly birds.” The term “colly” is Old English slang for birds dark as coal, a.k.a. blackbirds. In other old versions of the song, the partridge we all know and love is replaced with a “very pretty peacock upon a pear tree.” If you think that’s weird, consider a Scottish version that gifts “an Arabian baboon.” It wasn’t until 1909 that British composer Frederic Austin penned the version of the lyrics that we are all familiar with today.
“Most historians believe that the Christmas carol started out as a “memory-and-forfeit” game in 1800s England. These types of games were played by British school children, and the rules were simple: When it’s your turn, you repeat all the previously sung lyrics, and add the next one. If you can’t remember a verse, you owe your opponent a “forfeit,” which was usually a kiss or piece of candy.”
Link to Original Credit HERE https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/holidays/christmas-ideas/a29212592/12-days-of-christmas-meaning-facts/
Although I don’t necessarily agree that the wise men showed up 12 days after Jesus birth, a discussion for another time 😂. I was still excited that the song was penned with a spiritual aspect and centered around the story of Christ; birth. I love when traditions focus on, or point back to the true meaning of Christmas.
How To Turn The 12 Days Of Christmas Into A Family Activity Or Tradition?
In the traditional song lyrics, that we all know and love, the song tells of a lover receiving gifts each day for 12 consecutive days.
The idea here, is to mimic the giving of 12 gifts over 12 days in some form or another. The details are all up to you!
What Types Of Gifts Should I Give For The 12 Days Of Christmas?
The flexibility of this tradition is what makes it so personalizeable and unique. You can literally gift anything!
A Few Ways To Give The Items Would Be..
Gift Items by number
Give Items by theme
Forget matching themes or numbers and give completely random items
Replace physical items with acts of kindness or gestures.
Theme Ideas
Here are a few of the themes I have incorporated over the past 8 years for my husband’s 12 days of Christmas.
Gift cards (If you have the extra cash, this could be so fun!)
Example: 12inch pizza=pizza gift card, 2 holiday coffees = Starbucks gift card .
How do I Present The Gifts?
Presenting your 12 days of Christmas really depends on what you are giving. If you are giving tangible gift items, you might consider a few of these ideas listed below.
Wrapping each gift with its corresponding number taped on it. Then place the gifts under your regular Christmas tree
label a envelope for each day telling what the gift is or where it is located
Set up a display for the 12 days of Christmas as part of your holiday decor.
Try using traditional Christmas cards, write a little note inside with instructions to find that days gift.
Turn each gift into a scavenger hunt of sorts
Set up a “12 days of Christmas” tree. Decorate it a ornament (homemade or store bought) representing each 12 days. Set the gifts under it.
Skip the hassle and just hand each gift to your husband, he won’t mind!
What If I Don’t Have The Money For Another Expensive Tradition?
That’s ok! It might take a little more effort on your part, but you can totally customize a “12 days of Christmas” without purchasing even one gift!
Some of my sweetest ideas were established around little favors like ‘5 minute back rubs’ etc. My husband loved these “cheap” versions just as much as the the others.
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Can I Do This For Someone Besides My Husband?
You sure can! Considering the song, I think it’s most fitting for your lover, but either way, this little tradition can be a fun idea for your children or anyone else in your life. The idea of “12 days of Christmas” is such a popular phrase in our culture that most don’t stop to think much about the roles played by those in the lyrics. Any excuse to get or gift 12 gifts is good enough for most 😂.
When Should I Begin The Twelve Days Of Christmas?
This, is also up to you. I used to do our 12 days leading up to Christmas Day. I soon realized the tradition went much smoother and was enjoyed much more if I began earlier in December and was done about a week before Christmas. This made sure we was done before heading out of town for the holidays
This year, I plan on following the tradition of its origin. Which means we will begin the 12 days of Christmas on Christmas Day. I think it will be a fun way to close out the Christmas season whilst giving me a few extra days to plan amid the holiday chaos.
In Closing
I hope this post has inspired you to do something special for the man that God has placed in your life. It’s so easy to get caught up in our responsibilities as a mother and set our husband’s on the proverbial “back burner”. Let’s remind our husband that he is NOT forgotten this Christmas season and move him to the top of our priorities with a little love and thoughtfulness!
If you try this idea or already do something similar, please share in the comments below! And as always, don’t forget to tap the heart below and share!
Sarah Edwards, wife of American revival Evangelist Jonathan Edwards during the 1700s, Illustrated her devotion and willingness to be a true help meet through her actions.
One day as Rev. Jonathan Edwards studied busily over his stacks of books, he remembered the hay was due to be cut.
Calling his wife, he asked “ Sarah, isn’t it about time for the hay to be cut?”
Sarah replied…… “ it has been in the barn for two weeks ”. Wow! she wasn’t rubbing it in or even bragging, he didn’t even know of her work until he had asked.
Sarah had seen a need and accomplished it willingly, uncomplaining, and with expectance of nothing.
She simply had a servants heart, and a longing to be a true help meet.
Has your husband been overloaded lately?
How can you lighten his load today?
So many times our husbands give and give to us as our providers.
Let us not take for granted their commitment and sacrifice of love, but instead let’s look for ways to selflessly give back.
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