How to develop good habits in my child

How to develop good habits in my child/ penny system REVIEW

I was reading a blog post written by Abbie from the blog M is for Mama a couple months ago and kept coming across her mention of the “penny system” which she had created herself, to encourage and develop good habits in her child (children). I eventually read her full post on the matter and even purchased her $5 E-book that includes MORE details.

What really intrigued me …

What intrigued me most about this mom’s perspective on the habit forming topic, would have to be the fact that she has 10 kids of her own whom she raises and home schools herself, along with her husband. Now that is pretty encouraging in itself lol but that’s not all, Abbie is also a blogger and even wrote her 1st book titled ” M is for Mama” which I am in love with! You can check out this book here on her site or if you are a subscribed to Scribid you can read it for free! Sign up here and we both get limited free reading to Scribd!

Has anyone else witnessed this…? A person wins your heart through a post or book then all of a sudden, you will try almost anything they say? Lol, Yup that’s exactly what happened and I’m glad it did. BTW if you are interested is some more of my favorite reads, check out this older post here

I think we all would agree that to develop good habits in our child, we must be consistent. We also know that “we get more of what we praise”. With these two things in mind, I quickly began to imagine how this penny reward system had potential in helping develop good habits in my child and benefit my family of little ones.

How I Customized the system for my family to develop good habits in my child

I knew right off that I didn’t want to focus on “chores type habits” but instead, I decided to focus on character building habits. One could argue that daily chores is character building but that’s not exactly what I was going for. I was thinking more along the lines of using nice word’s, manners, sharing, and so on.

Secondly, I wasn’t comfortable using “Pennies” with my “penny eating 2 year old” So … I searched Abbie’s substitution ideas and colorful pom-poms it is! Plus, they are SO cute in their little room once I put them with this little jar set I found at dollar general for just $10! Would be a super easy DIY …

What do I reward Pom-poms for?

This really should vary for each home but for my 4 year old, I have found focusing on one or two major habits at a time, that we are trying to form (or break), has really worked for us.

For example, we was not hearing “yes ma’am ” & “yes sir” near as often lately as we would have liked. Judah has learned this practice a long time ago but recently it has been replaced with “but why’s” or even “silence” when things don’t go his way.

At the begging of our “pom-pom cycle”, I sat down and explain to him very specific ways he could earn pop-poms this week. He needed to work hard on using his “yes ma’am /yes sir” manners. I then really made a point to focus on encouraging, correcting, and praising this very act while rewarding often with pom-poms.

We are on our second week of the “yes ma’am /yes sir reinforcement training” and I fur sure noticed a difference. The first week it was all about the “pom-poms” 😂. But either way, he said it SO much the first week that now I catch him saying it by habit without his secret “Pom Pom motive”. I am still reinforcing this good behavior with Pom-poms, but now that we’re getting a hang of it, I am looking for the times he says it without the “Pom Pom motive” before I reward. That does not mean I don’t praise/ encourage the action as much as possible, even without pom-poms. Before long, this pom-pom training will end and we will focus on a new and more needed areas.

Other areas to reward

Even though our main focus is on one or two main areas at a time while we develop good habits in our child, we do give pom-poms for other good habits that arise and deserve or need encouragement.

Any abnormal or extraordinary act of good character from your child is a prime opportunity for praise or in this case, a pom-pom

I like to give pom-poms to encourage a new good habit in my child. If Judah takes it upon himself to do something of good will, with no encouragement. He definitely will be getting a pom-pom! This lets him know, hey, that was a good thing, I should do that again.

I also like to give out pom-poms for certain achievements. Achievements are different than everyday chores. Everyday chores are things that are expected of a child because they’re apart of a family. Achievements are something that is accomplished due to discipline and hard work. The achievement in itself may not be a character quality but the self discipline and hard work ethics it may have required are very much apart of good character. Therefore, some achievements are pom-pom reward advocates in our home. 🤗

What about toddlers?

Now, my two year old pom-pom rewards are a little simpler. Her mind doesn’t quite comprehend to much complexity but she still understands that certain actions get pom-poms and pom-poms = candy…. (The only prize she ever wants lol) . Needless to say, she’s catching on pretty quick!

I mainly focus on the basics with her. She pretty much gets pom-poms for obedience and peeing in the potty. 😂 ( Great for potty training!). Although I haven’t noticed as big of a impact of this system as with my son, I have noticed improvement . When asked to pick up her toys, she will often do it without second bidding! Now that’s an accomplishment! I do have hopes that the system will grow with her, allowing for more impact in the future.

Questions

Can I use this system to develop good habits in my child if he/she is older?

Yes! I recommend you checking out the original penny sytem post post here and maybe even her e-book. She uses this system for her toddlers-teens and she declares it has worked for ALL of them! Of course the prizes and guidelines would change a bit. 😜

What can I use for rewards in exchange for pom-poms?

Again, M is for mama has a ton of awesome ideas . I, so far, have settled with these few basics…

Piece of candy (1 pom each/max of 3)
A trip to the Dollar tree & choice of item (5 poms)
Their choice of lunch one day this week (at home)
A quarter for piggy bank (1pom)
A dollar for piggy bank (4poms)

They can’t seem to get past the candy & Dollar Tree trips and to many choices seem too confuse them, so I will be keeping these for awhile.

What if I don’t have money for rewards?

No worries! Privileges are often treasured more then tangible rewards by children. If you are worried about this, definitely head over to Abbie’s post, she has some amazing privilege ideas that work for kids of all ages.

How should you cash in” pom-poms?

This is up to you, each family will be different. I would set a time and try it for one week then adjust as needed. I had planned on caching them in every day or every other day due to my children’s young minds. Ends up, I did not go with that plan. Instead, we cash them in once both of their jars are at least half full. They kinda know when the jars start to get full, “cash in” is getting close. For their age, the visual works out really good.

What if one child has more pom-poms than the others?

If I know “cash in” is getting close and one child is lagging way behind, then I simply tell that child that we will be cashing in soon and encourage them/remind them how to earn more pom-poms. (This usually works)

I also do not focus on how many pom-poms each child has in comparison to the other child. We just count them up, get super excited for each child’s progress, and focus more on which rewards each child wants to exchange for. If they choose different rewards, they probably are not going to notice a slight difference in pom-pom numbers.

Another thing I have done, is to encourage the child who received more pom-poms, to save some for next time for a “bigger rewards”. This seems to work well with smaller children.

Older children should be able to realize the more they practice good habits, the more pom-poms they get. So, less pom-poms should be self explanatory or at least easily explained with encouragement on how to receive more.

Tips for success

Be consistent! If you are consistent with the “system” they will catch on and you will see results. Inconsistently brings inconsistent results and vise versa.
Make “getting a pom-poms, or whatever you use, super exciting. Don’t let it just be “you got one and that’s it”. Make it a big deal, combine some serious praise with it, and really make them feel like they have done something. At my house, we often gather excitedly around the jars and excitedly say “BOING” as each pom-pom drops into their jars. We then clap for the pom-pom receiver and end with high fives. Okay, so that may be a little extreme for your older kids but you can adapt lol. A moment of praise at “cash in time” may be all you need for some older children. Children and even adults love to know they are pleasing their authority .
Frequently remind smaller children how they can receive pom-poms . I let my children know our “main focus’” each time we start a new “pom-pom cycle”. Plus, I give them a list of other situations in which they “might” receive one. The smaller the child the more detailed you may need to be with the examples, especially in the beginning.
Give it a week or two of faithful use before you decide if the system is for you. Your kids may even forget about it the first few days without your consistent interaction so don’t expect to many results at first.
Don’t be afraid to adapt the system. The first week for us was a learning process. The kids learned how to receive pom-poms and I learned what I needed to adapt for it to work best.
Don’t feel like you have to start out with a ton of reward ideas. Start out with a few that you know your kids would do anything for then add new ideas if needed. I was worried to death about reward ideas until I realized that explaining just 5 rewards options to my little ones was almost too much for them. Start out with a few and go from there. You can even ask older children for ideas of rewards they would love to earn.
So this may not affect your success but consider choosing a type of item “like my pom-pom or Pennies” that really fits your family. Choose something exciting for young children, or a item that your child is “into”. You could match the item to their bedroom or interest. You could “mature” the system with “cool” or “pretty” items. You could even do seasons or holidays! Now wouldn’t that be fun, a jar of fall leaves or snow balls ❄️. Changing out the items like that could really add some excitement. ❤️
Whatever adorable fun “item” you choose, I do recommend keeping the traditional transparent jar or container to hold the items. You want the child to be able to see their progress. If you are worried about glass, you can always find a plastic jar or container of some sort.
If you have a older child who is embarrassed to receive “pom-poms” or “snowballs”, I would recommend going back to Abbie’s traditional “penny” or you could call your items something like “points”, no matter their appearance.

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